Rebecca Black has been the subject of a lot of internet ire, ridiculed by people of all demographics ever since her music video for her claim-to-fame “Friday” came out not too long ago. Criticized for its manufactured pop sound and sub-par lyricisms, people seem to assume the worst of Ms. Black when it comes to her intelligence and general singing ability, basing their judgement on the assumption that she had a hand in writing this song. I’m going to propose a theory that puts Rebecca at the steering wheel of an ingeniously crafted plan, one that debunks the myth that Rebecca is a silly little pre-teen girl inadvertently shooting to fame, one that will probably get a lot of comments along the lines of “OMFG STOP DEFENDING REBECCA BLACK SHE SUCKS I HOPE SHE DIES”. Let’s begin.
Everything starts with Justin Bieber. Now I know you think that I’m going to launch into a tirade about how I hate Justin Bieber, but the truth is, I don’t mind his music because he is actually quite the talented individual, and a real good singer (a commodity these days). Plus I was surprised to learn that he actually has a good taste in music (albeit after all the people that went to see Never Say Never learned this before me):
I’m not a fan myself (and I didn’t watch his movie or own any of his songs on iTunes), but I do respect the fact that this kid is hustlin’ BIG. Anyway, Biebz, being a god among gods to the general tween population, became popular in 2009 with his first single One Time, which was, regardless of your taste in music, annoyingly catchy. This manufactured sound and the first wave of Bieber Fever (Peter-inspired perhaps?) comprised of 12-year-old girls going apeshit established his image as the Preteen Idol and created a backlash among the older generation fond of repeating the phrase “Music isn’t what it used to be”. Bieber was the tipping point for the collective feelings of the aforementioned generation that regarded the current music industry as having fallen off its rails, and this backlash turned riotous and really irritating when YouTube videos became spammed with comments like “Thumbs up if you hate Justin Bieber” or “This is WAY better than Bieber” or “Justin Bieber needs to die”. We’ll dub this phase (although it hasn’t exactly ended) the Bieber Riots.
Now you’re probably wondering why I just talked about Biebz for ten minutes, and also how I know what you’re probably wondering about all the time, so I’ll explain the connection. In this polarized climate set off by the Bieber Riots, between the so-called music snobs (those guys) and the Bieber Believers (those screaming girls), people who held less of an ostentatious position were forced to pick a side. Most people chose the former, with a few converts to the latter after Never Say Never, and this is where Black jumps in. Having waited for the perfect storm, she approaches Ark Music (or whatever its called) and pays a couple thousand dollars to create a music video for a manufactured song. More than that, she ingeniously chose the drone of Friday Friday OVER the choice of another, probably better, song. She clearly saw glowing viral potential in the song, with such simple lyrics and such a simple melody that it could be repeated in every situation, and remembered by anyone who has ever heard it once in their life. Friday is also ingenious itself in the way it turns such a relatable aspect of human life (waiting for the weekend) into a song so bad it turns itself into a joke that can be used by anyone on Facebook about to party on a Friday, or as a meme used when faced with a seating dilemma. Her astute timing and keen choice of music can be likened to that of a seasoned stock investor, and without fail, the words-cannot-describe-how-annoying-it-is song Friday quickly went viral and became the most talked/tweeted about thing probably in the last decade. Black just executed the most cunning plan to shoot to immediate fame worldwide ever. She still assumes a guise of cluelessness, but one can see through this in the way she has since capitalized on her fame by appearing in Katy Perry’s video Last Friday Night as herself, and releasing another single My Moment, which although not great, demonstrates her semi-proficiency in singing not thought possible before.
Point is, she just James Bonded the whole damn world, and that is pretty baller. So before you post the above video of her new single on your Facebook profile and write something punny about how you dislike her, think about what an M.F.B. she is for making you even post her video on your Facebook without paying you a cent for advertising (MFB – Motherfucking Baller). That takes some serious skill and planning. She clearly chose the right seat.
On a different note, here is a blog-exclusive preview of the new shirt City of Stars, dedicated to all the people repping Toronto and doing it up big, thereby making us proud of where we live (or live beside, for the GTA people). Keep in mind it’s still a draft, and may undergo revision before printing. And keep your minds open for our trailblazer of a snapback, I hear it’s quite different but also quite dope.
A tired Kevin who doesn’t know why he just spent an hour to write a blog post about Rebecca Black.