Shit Thousand Years Apparel Says

I’m not even going to explain what the Shit ____ Say phenomenon is all about as I’m sure you’ve heard of it before. So many videos have been released that I think it’s imperative to separate the good from the sea of bad, and so here are my totally subjective picks for the Top 5 Shit Anyone Says videos:

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

Hope you enjoyed that list of TYA’s top 5, and while there were some notable ones that didn’t quite make the cut (like Shit Girls Say To Gay Guys), I stand by my picks and will fight anyone who dares to have a different opinion.

In other news, Mark and I have been living it up here in MTL. Mark, aka DJ Thousand Years, has been spinning more tunes for the ever popular bar/club Korova with UTS alum Brian Gracie, we got a TV to play retro NES games on, and we’ve been cooking like madmen in this little apartment of ours (muploads to come soon).

Our NES is the new attraction here

There’s a big surprise waiting for all of you TYA fans out there, as we’re finally getting a bit of exposure in the fashion industry, but a full blog post will come out describing it later.

Kevin and Mark

Is It Sex?!

Taken from my Facebook newsfeed via TYA’s number one commenter. And College Humour too…

In today’s world of sexual promiscuity, it can be hard for young people to stay chaste until marriage. As all sorts of new erotic fads continue to blur the line between virginity and virsinity, I offer this thought-provoking exercise to help you orient your moral compass (your dick) (or perhaps vagina):

Lisa and David have been dating for six months, and for their anniversary decide to finally go all the way. They engage in protected vaginal intercourse, but after five minutes, David, nervous about his performance, pulls out, ejaculates prematurely, and vomits up a few of Lisa’s earrings that had gone missing before passing out. Is it sex?

Arthur is a man of tremendous ejaculatory power and accuracy. He stimulates himself to orgasm while his wife lays prone on the other side of a long dinner table. With a great cry of release, he lets forth a concentrated torrent of semen directly into his wife’s uterine canal, impregnating her instantaneously. Nine months later, she gives birth to beautiful twin baby girls. Is it sex?

Roger and Diana are engaging in a vigorous bout of mutual masturbation. As Roger is about to climax, Diana knocks him unconscious with a savage blow to the jaw. She captures his ejaculate in a mason jar and mails it to his sister Emma a month later, along with a $25 gift card to Yankee Candle. Is it sex?

Frieda is a professional model. While on the catwalk displaying the newest fall fashions, her prosthetic leg catches the hem of her dress, simultaneously catapulting her forward and tearing the clothes from her body. Entirely nude and missing a leg, Frieda somersaults directly onto the erect penis of Bernard, a pervert sitting in the front row. Though Bernard is overjoyed, Frieda is greatly surprised, and begins to thrash in all directions, her violent motions eventually bringing Bernard to orgasm. Is it sex?

Otis, a vagrant who suffers from a number of neurodegenerative venereal diseases, finds a rock that strongly resembles a phallus. He gouges at the earth with it for several days until he has carved out a large hole; he crawls inside it and promptly dies. Is it sex?

Francine, a giantess, and Polly, a dwarfess, are sapphic lovers. Due to her small stature, Polly is able to climb entirely inside of Francine’s vagina and enter her body cavity, where she can stay for hours at a time. While not at all erotically stimulating, it provides both of them with a great deal of personal satisfaction and a sense of achievement. Is it sex?

Greg and Pablo are arm-wrestling. They are identical twins of equal strength. Also, they are both sado-masochists. After an hour of neither giving an inch, they both climax violently, leaving the contest undecided. They then enjoy a casual dinner at an upscale bistro. IS IT SEX????

 

Retro 90’s: Will-inspired!

Alright you silly fools, we’re back and it’s FRESH PRINCE FRIDAY! We went on a temporary hiatus last week because of a sudden perceived lack of interest (still debating whether or not we should even have this column) but for now at least, I thought I might as well continue it for the sake of… continuity. Today we examine 4 fresh outfits from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air (found in the episode The Lucky Charm) and figure out just why these crazy retro looks were even popular back in the day:

Even the jeans have a matching crotch patch... (the 'bartack')

Glorious retro colours (actually very much like the colours of the Thousand Years Fall collection) with F & P matching torn decals on his jeans, while sporting that flat-top (leather?) painter’s cap/pillbox style. This is OG status. Continue reading

Is Humour in Dance Acceptable?

I am a huge fan of America’s Best Dance Crew. I think watching the Jabbawockeez from Season 1 probably got me into dancing in the first place. But with all the publicity and the way the show’s marketed, I don’t want to use the word sell out, but it is certainly conducive to creating a style of dance less focused on technique and more focused on entertainment value.

Before I lay everything on the table I need a slight disclaimer. I’m gonna show a lot of clips from Poreotix and Quest Crew, and I just want people to know that I am NOT a hater. Quest Crew is too sick, probably my favourite group right now, and although I’m not as big a fan of Poreotix, I still recognize them as phenomenal dancers. However, they do a lot of silly things in their dances to create humour that I don’t quite agree with. I’d like to compare this to the way I feel about Mozart: I like and respect him as one of the greatest composers and musicians of all time, but it doesn’t make me a fan of his music. That being said, here comes the criticism.

There’s a short segment I want to highlight in Quest Crew’s choreography to “Forever” by Chris Brown. Skip to 1:55 look out for the hip-thrusting.

Continue reading

I Wanna Make Love In The Sub(way)

First off, I want to apologize for there being no blog post yesterday, everyone at TYA is really busy now that OUR NEW LINE HAS DROPPED. Check out Big Cartel for our stock and if you want to make pre-orders. As always, e-mail us at thousandyearsltd@gmail.com if you have any questions.

But enough about business, I want to talk about public transit. I am your typical poor student with no car, so I almost always have to take public transit if I want to go anywhere. I also don’t have an iPod, so commuting is BORING. I could probably get a book but I always forget to bring one. Anyway, the point is, and I’m sure anyone who has every commuted will agree, it’s not that fun to just sit around doing nothing for half an hour.

That is unless, you try to pick up girls on the subway.

Once you get the hat and suit, it's really just a waiting game

Continue reading

Inaugural Fresh Prince Friday!

This blog article represents the first official installment of the Fresh Prince Friday series that we are hosting every Friday until I run out of Fresh Prince episodes completely. To keep the content fresh, I’ll be analyzing the various outfits of one episode in each post, so bookmark this blog, subscribe via email, and comment on what you think works or doesn’t work.

PRAIIISE JESUS!

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Why Can’t Asian Guys Have Normal Hair?

This subject is dear and near to three of the guys here at Thousand Years who wrestle with this topic every day (less so for David). The dilemma comes each morning when, as an Asian male, you look at yourself in the mirror and decide what you want to do with your hair. Even more than that, the next time you go to the Chinese barber that your mom swears by, you end up giving in to the ‘regular’ haircut you always get, the same one you’ve gotten for the past however many years you’ve lived (minus the bowl-cut years). As I approach the time when my friends and family all begin to tell me to cut my hair, I am struggling with my identity as I try to find a hairstyle that I truly like and would imagine wearing out every day.

I Google’d “Asian Hairstyle Men” and here were the results of my searches:

Really? REALLY?

Continue reading