Slutty Costumes + Surinder + Mustaches

To all of our slutty devils/pirates/cats/race car drivers/puck bunnies/ normal bunnies/ bugs bunnies/waldos/cowgirls/ dragons/ drag queens/ Nicki Minaj/and Selena Gomez lookalikes happy halloweekend. Hopefully your days have been candy coated and your nights questionable.

While other esteemed writers may deplore the provocative nature of the youth of today’s Halloween costumes remember that for every fishnet used in a costume, 10,000 Atlantic Salmon are saved daily. So candy coat your moral apples with that bad boy.

Regardless this time of year is more than just a celebration of bare legs and torsos, its a time of reflection. Coinciding with the passing of October into November comes a rare moment in time when, within the span of two seconds, it is both Halloween, TYA’s own Sur- “Caboose” -inder and the first second of Movember (the annually prostate cancer awareness month). What does it mean for you? It means that during the next month you can look forward to watching the hair follicles on Surinder’s upper lip blossom into a symphony of the finest and thickest mustache hairs this side of Brampton. The best part is that you and Surinder will be finding this out at the same time because he doesn’t know we signed him up yet. Oops!

But there’s still two nights of Halloweekend.to enjoy. Have a good one!

Trickin and treatin 4 lyfe,

TYAMTL

Imma Let You Finish But Beyonce…

HAD THE BEST MUSIC VIDEO OF ALL TIME:

I think the people waiting in line for smoked meat can testify that Kevin and I are embarrassingly obsessed with this song. I’m not even embarrassed.

This song is so good I wish I was pregnant. This song is so good I want to get my locks changed just so I can change keys like her. This song is so good it overthrows Libyan dictators.

Realistically though I’ll be sick of it in a day at the rate we’re going. Oh well. Until then,

Mark (and Kevin in spirit)

Is It Sex?!

Taken from my Facebook newsfeed via TYA’s number one commenter. And College Humour too…

In today’s world of sexual promiscuity, it can be hard for young people to stay chaste until marriage. As all sorts of new erotic fads continue to blur the line between virginity and virsinity, I offer this thought-provoking exercise to help you orient your moral compass (your dick) (or perhaps vagina):

Lisa and David have been dating for six months, and for their anniversary decide to finally go all the way. They engage in protected vaginal intercourse, but after five minutes, David, nervous about his performance, pulls out, ejaculates prematurely, and vomits up a few of Lisa’s earrings that had gone missing before passing out. Is it sex?

Arthur is a man of tremendous ejaculatory power and accuracy. He stimulates himself to orgasm while his wife lays prone on the other side of a long dinner table. With a great cry of release, he lets forth a concentrated torrent of semen directly into his wife’s uterine canal, impregnating her instantaneously. Nine months later, she gives birth to beautiful twin baby girls. Is it sex?

Roger and Diana are engaging in a vigorous bout of mutual masturbation. As Roger is about to climax, Diana knocks him unconscious with a savage blow to the jaw. She captures his ejaculate in a mason jar and mails it to his sister Emma a month later, along with a $25 gift card to Yankee Candle. Is it sex?

Frieda is a professional model. While on the catwalk displaying the newest fall fashions, her prosthetic leg catches the hem of her dress, simultaneously catapulting her forward and tearing the clothes from her body. Entirely nude and missing a leg, Frieda somersaults directly onto the erect penis of Bernard, a pervert sitting in the front row. Though Bernard is overjoyed, Frieda is greatly surprised, and begins to thrash in all directions, her violent motions eventually bringing Bernard to orgasm. Is it sex?

Otis, a vagrant who suffers from a number of neurodegenerative venereal diseases, finds a rock that strongly resembles a phallus. He gouges at the earth with it for several days until he has carved out a large hole; he crawls inside it and promptly dies. Is it sex?

Francine, a giantess, and Polly, a dwarfess, are sapphic lovers. Due to her small stature, Polly is able to climb entirely inside of Francine’s vagina and enter her body cavity, where she can stay for hours at a time. While not at all erotically stimulating, it provides both of them with a great deal of personal satisfaction and a sense of achievement. Is it sex?

Greg and Pablo are arm-wrestling. They are identical twins of equal strength. Also, they are both sado-masochists. After an hour of neither giving an inch, they both climax violently, leaving the contest undecided. They then enjoy a casual dinner at an upscale bistro. IS IT SEX????

 

The World’s Hardest Accent To Imitate

Mavrick Sabre was born to English parents in Ireland. He then moved to Jamaica and recently returned to the UK to blow up the music scene. What he lacks in looks (you can leave that to nude pics for PETA) he makes up for with talent.

Though this song has been played to death its a good example of his voice. Check it out:

And here our two of my favourites of his:

Enjoy!

❤ Mark

Sweet mother of Japan

First of all, on behalf of two of us here at TYA, we’d like to wish Taiwan a happy 100th birthday!

Following this Asian themed post, here’s a video further demonstrating Japan’s superiority over all things cool:

Anyway, we’re enjoying our last moments of reprieve before midterms hit us in our faces with the force equivalent to 40% of our final mark.

Cheers.

 

Some Things To Be Thankful For

We make more than just t-shirts...

Well ladies and gentlemen its that time of year once again. The leaves are turning, the campuses have emptied out and all across Canada people are  with their families to giving thanks. Here at the TYA family we’ve got a lot of reasons to be thankful. But easily the best news is that:

THE FALL 2011 LINE IS OFFICIAL RELEASED

As we speak the rest of the TYA crew is hard at work putting together the finishing touches on our newest designs. In case you’ve forgotten here’s what they look like:

Keep an eye out for one of us or send an order to thousandyearsltd@gmail.com if you want one of the designs.

Now I can’t speak for the rest of the TYA fam but to me, at least, this weekend means more than turkey and t-shirts. There’s a lot to be thankful and so I give to you….

MARK’S TOP 5 THINGS TO BE THANKFUL FOR THIS THANKSGIVING

NUMBER 5: NOT HAVING INTERNET

After Kevin,Shaq and I moved in we didn’t have internet for a couple weeks. At first none of us were very happy about it but after a little bit we began to accept our fate and realize that there’s more to life than facebook. For the important stuff we’d go to the library and the rest of the time we’d just entertain ourselves, hang out and enjoy having our own place.

NUMBER 4: HAVING INTERNET

But let’s be real here: I love the internet. Facebook is life. Getting it was like having the tingling sensation when your foot falls asleep finally going away. Its not like you’re in pain but it feels good once its over. Where else do you find this kinda thing:

NUMBER 3: ZIPPER FLIES

I don’t know if there’s a trend going on with pants and button flies but peeing is so much more enjoyable when you don’t have to fiddle with buttons before. When I find a nice pair of jeans with a good zipper fly I lock that shit down.

NUMBER 2: FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Being with family and good friends is what the holidays are all about, regardless of what the holiday is. I had the pleasure to spend thanksgiving with both:

The TYA Fam

Big Pimp Daddy

NUMBER ONE: SRIRACHA

Sweet. Spicy. Tangy. Sensual. These bold flavours amalgamating in your mouth in a perfect harmony of flavour and heat. It is sad how much of this I’ve been eating. At least once a day if not more. I’ve even used it as salad dressing. Cooking tip: try putting some in scrambled eggs before you cook it and after. Thank you, Sriracha.

So there you have it, a little something from our TYA family to yours. Happy Thanksgiving and Shona Tova if you’re into that kinda thing.

Love,

Mark and the rest of TYA

The Singapore Paradox

I recently got back from travelling in Asia a bit, and I have to tell you, Singapore is BEAUTIFUL. It is one of, if not the cleanest, most well-designed, vibrant cities in the world. Anyone who tells you otherwise is a hater or a blind guy. Toronto is already an amazing, world-class city, but for almost every aspect of Toronto I can think of (in terms of community fixtures, not the culture), Singapore has a cleaner and more efficient version. Heck, they do PROSTITUTION better than we do, with ladies-of-the-night having to undergo regular health checks and carry cards as proof.

(I was going to have a picture here of an oasis representing Singapore brothels and Blue Waffle as Toronto ones, but I just could not bring myself to even google that.)

However, nothing in the world is PERFECT. It’s not like Singapore is just a hands-down better place than every other city in the world; there are reasons it’s so clean despite having a greater population density than Toronto.

The most infamous of these is probably the ban on selling and importing chewing gum and the $1000 fine associated with being caught consuming it. They treat gum like we treat marijuana, and don’t get me started on marijuana. Technically, you can even go to jail for littering or spitting on the ground. So on one hand this is pretty ridiculous. This is giving the government four iPhones every time you want to bite a piece of rubber that tastes nice, or being sent to prison because you had a gross taste in your mouth. But on the other hand, do you know what I see when I walk around in Singapore?

Clean streets.

I see an unspoiled, virgin slab of concrete that looks like I could eat off it. Do you know what downtown in most North American cities look like?

This is the herpes of sidewalks, really.

I don’t want to say that it’s worth sending people to prison to have clean sidewalks, but Singapore has REALLY CLEAN sidewalks. To get an idea of the high standards of Singaporeans, lets look at their attitudes on vandalism.

On May 17, 2010, a train was vandalised in the middle of the night at Changi Train Depot. This might sound like a fairly harmless offence, but it was actually big news in Singapore. Can you imagine anyone in Toronto even batting an eye towards a vandalised train? I almost feel like a clean train or bus would be more surprising. Granted, the vandalism was quite substantial, more than just a simple tag, but overall it was kind of cool.

The man responsible, Oliver Fricker, was legitimately tracked down and sentenced to 5 months in jail and 3 strokes of the cane. This might not sound so bad until you consider how little vandalism means in Toronto, and how it actually serves to brighten up some areas of the city. Would police have put as much effort into apprehending the criminal if this were any other country? A similar act like this in Toronto might actually garner praise from the public instead of outrage. When I first heard about this, I assumed that the punishment would be a small fine, or some community service, but vandalism in Singapore can get you up to 3 years in jail. The thing I just want to emphasize though, is that this was such a big deal because this kind of thing just doesn’t happen in Singapore, vandalism is that rare.

Which is why you’ll know see this in Singapore. A blessing and a curse, I suppose.

The final thing I want to look at is Singapore’s views on drugs and capital punishment. Drugs in Asia are no joke, and Singapore is no exception. For possession of just about any illegal drug, having a certain amount leads to mandatory execution. Most surprising perhaps is that 500 grammes is the threshold for cannabis. When you think about how lenient the law is on marijuana possession in Canada, and how the media portrays it as a whacky, fun-guy thing to do, it’s hard to imagine that Harold and Kumar could be arrested and hung if they lived halfway across the world. There are plenty of stories of foreigners who weren’t used to the culture and ended up on death row. I couldn’t find the exact article (which leads me to believe it might just be an urban legend), but I heard about an 18-year-old girl who faced execution for crossing the border with heroin. I stress 18-year-old because I’m that old. I KNOW people who have tried illegal drugs, and it’s not like they’re dangerous threats. I also somehow doubt that this girl was some king-pin of a drug smuggling mafia, but just a TEENAGER exploring the world and living on the edge a bit. The idea that there are people being killed for this is kind of scary to me. However, I have to admit that, though these laws are seemingly draconian, you won’t find a country with less drug problems and drug related violence than Singapore.

Seriously, look at this picture of Geylang, Singapore’s red light district.

Don't be fooled, some of these Grandpas are the most hardened criminals you'll ever meet

If you can find a red-light district anywhere else that’s safer and more lively, then… well, I don’t know why you’re looking so hard for red-light districts, but I’ll be very impressed none-the-less.

So I hope the term “Singapore Paradox” makes a bit more sense now. It’s the idea that Singapore is at the same time one of the most welcoming places, yet the most strict. In North America, we seem to have a real “trial and error” way of living our lives. You might make a mistake, but you learn from it! And you might keep making mistakes, but you always try to end up a better person. Singapore seems to say “DON’T MAKE A MISTAKE.” If you litter you go to jail, if you do drugs you die. Certainly it has yielded very impressive results, and I am very tempted to say that any problems this strictness has caused have been paid off by the outcomes. But every now and then, maybe one of those mistakes was really just a mistake, not indicative of malicious intent, and you lose a good person. If you went to North America, rounded up every litterbug and drug addict and had them executed, would it really be a better place?

hhmmmm.....